i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
