I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
