Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So much rum. So many feels.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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