Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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