My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.