Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We are all done wearing pants today
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
