he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels