There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.