Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
