Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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