Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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