i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
