I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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