Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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