I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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