dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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