Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
