Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
