i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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