And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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