i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
