Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
