aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
