do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
