Non-Jews are for practice
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
