Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
ttyl tear gas
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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