Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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