don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
