i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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