you have to choose: penises or morals?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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