Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
