I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
