the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
