You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
