Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize