mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Let's get the cat blown out
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
