the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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