I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Farmville is her only friend.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
