People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
