i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
