A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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