Plan B is the new Plan A
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
