Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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