How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
