Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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