I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
