I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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