Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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