i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
