Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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