I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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