do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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