he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
