He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
