hotel room ftw
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
