i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
