You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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