bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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