If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
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