You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
