is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
