Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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