Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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