Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
