You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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