apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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