I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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