DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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