you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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