Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
