I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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