too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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