It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
honey bunches of taint.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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