We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
