Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize