Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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