I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
